Posted by: kwa0430 | September 22, 2008


There are a few things in life that I truly fear. Things like heights, my wife’s wrath and dentists.

Given the fact that dentists are on that list, you should have some idea of what I am feeling considering I am actually going to go to a dentist.

All to often, past visits to these licensed purveyors of pain have resulted in none to pleasant experiences. Like when he says “You may feel this”, just before he does something that causes such a flash of pain you are lifted out of the chair and your head gets lodged in the ceiling tile.

I can’t help but think about Bill Cosby’s DENTIST skit. What makes me laugh is the truth behind it. Why does the Dentist wait until your mouth is totally frozen and drool is running out the center of your lip to launch into a discussion? “So, what are you plans for the rest of your life”? To which the only reply you can make is “I bon’t mow”.

And then there is the terminology they use. Things like “We’ll have to PULL that tooth” or “I’ll have to DRILL it out a bit”. He sounds like a construction worker. Try easing a person into what needs to be done. Consider saying “You may not be able to keep that tooth” or “I’ll need to prepare that cavity to take the filling”.

Worst of all is the dreaded ROOT CANAL. Horror stories abound regarding this particular procedure. Just the name conjures up imagery of jack hammers, bulldozers and other assorted heavy equipment. Alas, if my research on the web is correct, I am a likely candidate for this procedure.

Ever noticed that Dentists all seem to be smiling as the give you the news of what they are going to do? I wonder if the ancient inquisitors had the same look about them? I have no doubt that Dentist’s are all their direct decendants.

So, as I write this, I am searching the web for a dentist. Not just any dentist. I want one that will provide a written guarantee of no pain. He should provide a couple of shots of Scotch when I first arrive. Then, give me a pair of goggles with some good action flick with lots of gun fire and bombs to drown out the noise. Lastly, I wanted to be sedated in case the first two things don’t work. I want to dream of things more pleasant whilst he uses his implements of torture on me.

Well I must go to see if I can find such a dentist. If not, I’ll have the Scotch before I go, bring my iPod and pop a couple of sedatives when I get there.



  1. Filson gentle denistry….I see there big signs and ads on the radio….apparently they knock you out for nearly any procedure.
    I wouldn’t know from experience though….I have never had a cavity.

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